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  • Writer's pictureDaniela Monzi

7 Tips For Dealing With Unsupportive Family

two brides hugs during their first look at their intimate backyard wedding with a willow tree

I don't know who needs this reminder…but getting married and the *way* you get married are your and your partner’s choices,

❗️no ❗️one ❗️else’s❗️

Here are some tips for dealing with unsupportive family members:

  1. Tell them to f off 😇

  2. Explain to them why getting married in an intimate way is right for you and your partner and why a big wedding doesn’t feel aligned at all. Remind them that it is your choice and your choice alone, and it doesn’t make you selfish to get married without them there. You still love them and are grateful for their eagerness to be part of it all, but that is simply not what you want.

  3. Stream your ceremony on zoom (without sound if you really want it private but want your family to shut up about not being included). This is what my partner and I did, we had the sound on, but it wound up not working and it became a happy accident.

  4. Have family members (and friends too!) write letters for you to read on your elopement day. Be sure to have your photographer and videographer document your reactions!

  5. Have just immediate family join you, and be firm with not allowing extras. Example, “if you invite Bob you can’t not invite Cheryl and Sam”. It gets out of hand REAL quick. You can say something along the lines of “we are choosing to get married in a location that is meaningful to us and we want to keep it intimate to focus on each other. We are looking forward to celebrating with you all at a later date!” Or something of that manner.

  6. Piggy backing off the last one, have a casual “reception” so your family shuts up and you don’t go into debt. You can rent out a room at a restaurant or a favorite bar. If you want to keep it causal and low cost, do pizza, or a brewery! Reserve a pavilion at a local state park and make it a potluck. **Side note and possibly a red hot opinion: You’re not obligated to pay for a party you didn’t want to have in the first place so make sure to set those boundaries with your family members who are pressuring you. If they want it that bad, they can pay for it. Otherwise, if you want to have a party to get your family off your back, keep it simple & low cost.

  7. Just do it without telling anyone. If it gets to a point where your family is being impossible and it would cause you more stress to not have the big wedding, just elope just the two of you and keep it a secret. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I have couples who have done that and still to this day no one knows they eloped, except me and their officiant. Fuck it. It’s your life, make sure YOU live it.

The way you say your vows and actually get married should be sacred and meaningful and *unpopular opinion* NOT STRESSFUL 😅 getting married should be freaking FUN y’all. I know family sucks sometimes but I’m here for you, and am totally down to be sneaky with you if that’s what it takes for you to have your true dream day. Love you, mean it.

bride wearing black leather jacket and groom wearing red suit hold hands and laugh during their saguaro national park elopement in arizona

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